NO! Oh NO!
May. 5th, 2004 11:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingandyReal actual genuine dialogue from JLA 95 (cover date Late May):
Wicked evil vampire (while biting): "For all that he is SUPERMAN ... my BITE will make Earth's greatest hero a VAMPIRE!"
Innocent yet misguided protege: "NO! Oh NO!"
My thoughts exactly, dear. The darling little girl then remains entirely undercover, harbouring secret fears that she may be being led astray. She manages to keep this entirely to herself despite shrieking her disapproval of the master from all of three feet away. Still, he was speaking with his mouth full, maybe he took it as a comment on his table manners.
Summary of the issue: Chris Claremont sucks ass. The second page includes such gems as the sound effect "Bleurgh!" and "The blood of innocents ... DELECTABLE!" (Emphasis his.) It's only a blessing that there's no double exclamation marks in there.
There was the odd gem, though. Princess "Wonder Woman" Diana decrying "Gods forbid my ancient sisters write short, declarative sentences," upon poring over ancient scrolls. (Though the vocabulary feels slightly out of character - under Claremont everybody becomes an English graduate.) And - in the following issue - Faith actually notices how much like a pantomime villain this vampire is behaving. Then she makes Buffy references, which upon reflection seems quite acceptable, considering her name.
Still, overall, the whole thing makes my head hurt. It feels like I'm reading a comic from 20 years ago. Am thinking of cancelling my JLA subscription and buying something less shit instead.
I hear the Marvel Ultimates are quite good...
Wicked evil vampire (while biting): "For all that he is SUPERMAN ... my BITE will make Earth's greatest hero a VAMPIRE!"
Innocent yet misguided protege: "NO! Oh NO!"
My thoughts exactly, dear. The darling little girl then remains entirely undercover, harbouring secret fears that she may be being led astray. She manages to keep this entirely to herself despite shrieking her disapproval of the master from all of three feet away. Still, he was speaking with his mouth full, maybe he took it as a comment on his table manners.
Summary of the issue: Chris Claremont sucks ass. The second page includes such gems as the sound effect "Bleurgh!" and "The blood of innocents ... DELECTABLE!" (Emphasis his.) It's only a blessing that there's no double exclamation marks in there.
There was the odd gem, though. Princess "Wonder Woman" Diana decrying "Gods forbid my ancient sisters write short, declarative sentences," upon poring over ancient scrolls. (Though the vocabulary feels slightly out of character - under Claremont everybody becomes an English graduate.) And - in the following issue - Faith actually notices how much like a pantomime villain this vampire is behaving. Then she makes Buffy references, which upon reflection seems quite acceptable, considering her name.
Still, overall, the whole thing makes my head hurt. It feels like I'm reading a comic from 20 years ago. Am thinking of cancelling my JLA subscription and buying something less shit instead.
I hear the Marvel Ultimates are quite good...
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-06 05:05 am (UTC)Until Mockingbird walks in and goes 'It was Me, I did the blag, mwa ha ha' - Cue a jaw dropping clighanger...
Which is UTTERLY spoilt by Mockingbird going "actually, I was an innocent dupe, I don't what came over me there" in the next issue.
Still, God loves Man Kills is alright.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Mockingbird!
Date: 2004-05-06 05:50 am (UTC)Question 8: Finding Your Niche
You are Mockingbird. You have two sticks that snap together, a semester of gymnastics, and no powers. For some reason, you are considering the life of a super hero. What do you do?
A: Join the Avengers to fight alongside the Earth's Mightiest Heroes like Thor, Iron Man, She-Hulk, a bunch of Greek deities, and just in case you thought you had a gimmick, Captain America and Hawkeye, who also have no powers but are better in every way.
B: Find a city with no super heroes and run around at night trying to find any muggers or escaped zoo animals to fight.
C: Search the want ads for jobs as a waitress, lap dancer, or children's gymnastics coach.
D: Form a plan to take over the world since, obviously, all of these costumed buffoons are no match for you.
E: Suicide. Please -- suicide.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-06 06:21 am (UTC)End of issue: "It's true, Spyboy - I am your mother-"
Start of next issue: "-'s sister!"
no subject
Date: 2004-05-06 06:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-06 07:27 am (UTC)Still, Cliffhangers work fine Dr Who (currently watching Ark in Space. Fear the dread wrapping plastic monster...)