kingandy | One Month Later

A month on, and I still think about Phil. A lot.

I am, at this point, trying to heed my favourite quotes to live by - "It's OK to look back, just don't stare" and "Live with integrity, no regrets" - but still my brain wanders in idle moments. I guess that's normal, right? Sure, we only went out for three months, we only met twice, but during that time he was always in my thoughts and it's hard to crank that down.

Part of it, of course, is the overanalysis. I try not to, but I can't help looking over everything I ever said or did to see if it would have changed things for the better. Probably not. Looking back, it's painfully obvious he wasn't really into it. Things he said, questions he asked, it's like he was trying to get into it - wanted to be into it - but just wasn't. And much though I'd love to isolate that one moment where I could have fixed everything, things (and people) are much more complex than that and at the end of the day I wouldn't want to somehow trick him into it.

Ah well, c'est la vie.

(q.v.)