One Month Later

[kingandy]

A month on, and I still think about Phil. A lot.


I am, at this point, trying to heed my favourite quotes to live by - "It's OK to look back, just don't stare" and "Live with integrity, no regrets" - but still my brain wanders in idle moments. I guess that's normal, right? Sure, we only went out for three months, we only met twice, but during that time he was always in my thoughts and it's hard to crank that down.

Part of it, of course, is the overanalysis. I try not to, but I can't help looking over everything I ever said or did to see if it would have changed things for the better. Probably not. Looking back, it's painfully obvious he wasn't really into it. Things he said, questions he asked, it's like he was trying to get into it - wanted to be into it - but just wasn't. And much though I'd love to isolate that one moment where I could have fixed everything, things (and people) are much more complex than that and at the end of the day I wouldn't want to somehow trick him into it.

Ah well, c'est la vie.

(q.v.)

Comments

[dracven.livejournal.com]

I guess the cliched response is "it'll get easier mate" and I see nothing wrong with the odd cliche now n then. I'm still coming to terms with leaving the marital home. Like you say "look back but don't stare".

[amber-missy.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[pax-draconis.livejournal.com]

Manly punch to the shoulder.

[wulfboy.livejournal.com]

You bring out the worst in me you really do. At least you'll never have to make the same mistakes in a relationship again unless you want to.

[areteus.livejournal.com]

[cliche]Insert appropriate homily about piscine organisms in large marine environments[/cliche]

*hugs* and/or manly bonding rituals, whichever you feel most appropriate.

It hurts for a long time, especially when it is you who were dropped not them. However, these things usually work out for the better as there is often someone far more suitable for you who is far more committed to you just round the corner. Just get out there and find them. Look forward, not back. If you have to look back, do so to learn from mistakes.

Maybe even in New Orleans? Though I would never envy you that amount of long distance in a relationship...

If it will cheer you up, you just made it into Academia:

I would also like to acknowledge the support of all my friends in the LRP community who have put up with me the past few years and have proved excellent debating stooges. In particular, I would like to acknowledge Andy Mason for his creation of ‘Neutrophil Man’, which so amused Prof. Salmon at a seminar.

[kingandy]

I actually don't know what you mean by the former.

As to the latter ... I'll likely stay away from relationships that are long distance and/or begin before first meeting. But then, that's what I said before. So.

Sometimes you just find somebody you want to break the rules for, you know?

[screaming-harpy.livejournal.com]

Aw sweetie, am so sorry. Sending patented Angie hugs.

[http://users.livejournal.com/vervain_/]

Huge hugs

[kingandy]

I think about you a lot too.

[wulfboy.livejournal.com]

I actually don't know what you mean by the former.

I mean I would normally say "I laugh at your pain" but because it's you I actually feel mildly sympathetic and even - gosh - empathetic.

[kingandy]

That is not the worst in you.

[elektrobard.livejournal.com]

*hugs and empathy*
It's perfectly normal to let your mind wander on to such things (right?) especially when suitable distractions do not avail themselves.
But hey, New Orleans, and cool stuff!