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kingandyAfter being declared cancer-free and returning home, Gran went a bit mental in the head. They thought it might be anaemia following the surgery, but she got worse - started seeing spaniels and complaining that people were trying to poison her - and so the doctors took her back into hopsital for tests. Apparently the cancer had spread a bit further than they thought and she's now very very poorly. Apparently she might not last much longer.
I was going to write something about how great she was, but I don't think I can do that without crying, which would not really be appropriate in the office. I thought it was something I'd prepared for - she's been deteriorating for a while now, so I've been thinking she's old and will die soon, and since the operation and mentalness I've been a bit concerned every time Mum's phone rang, wondering if this would be the one - but to have Mum ring up and tell me it's actually official diagnosis that she May Not Make It ... it just makes it real instead of random pessimism, which is upsetting. I fear change, and to have somebody not be there who always has before is the very worst kind.
As Peter David said, in life there are no happy endings. There are happy times, but they're not endings, which is why they're happy. In real life all endings are sad.
The end.
I was going to write something about how great she was, but I don't think I can do that without crying, which would not really be appropriate in the office. I thought it was something I'd prepared for - she's been deteriorating for a while now, so I've been thinking she's old and will die soon, and since the operation and mentalness I've been a bit concerned every time Mum's phone rang, wondering if this would be the one - but to have Mum ring up and tell me it's actually official diagnosis that she May Not Make It ... it just makes it real instead of random pessimism, which is upsetting. I fear change, and to have somebody not be there who always has before is the very worst kind.
As Peter David said, in life there are no happy endings. There are happy times, but they're not endings, which is why they're happy. In real life all endings are sad.
The end.
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 07:36 am (UTC)My gran also had cancer, then went mental, then they found the cancer had metastasized all over the place. I tried to cheer myself up by considering that at least she'd gone properly nuts - thinking she was a secret agent back in WW2 and stuff - which seemed to be at least interesting for her, even fun at times, rather than just going senile, which always seems incredibly depressing. I decided that if I get to the age of 65 without going mad, I might pretend to go mental, just to keep my relatives on their toes. I also like to think that her madness spared her to a certain extent from the awareness of her illness.
I don't know if these thoughts will help you or not. They kind of helped me, but nothing really properly helps. You've got some advance warning, at least, so spend time with her while you still have the chance. If she's anything like my gran, she'll probably be a lot more eloquent and coherent when speaking about the distant past rather than anything even vaguely current.
Unlike
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 08:18 am (UTC)A lot like my grandfather who went to Alzhiemers. He may not of known who we where or why he was in the house but he could talk about walking down Portland Street when all the mills where still running.
I to extend platonic *hugs* in Andy's direction.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 08:30 am (UTC)In fact, i'll ensure that you have a range of hugs to choose from, from manly, to womanly*, from sympathetic to supportive, from stoic to impulsive.
(*not all hugs will be provided by nook)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 08:35 am (UTC)I'll think about it. What time are you people going to the pub?
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 09:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 10:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 09:13 am (UTC)I still miss my Gran, so I'll hug you for yours.
grans
Date: 2004-06-04 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 10:03 am (UTC)I'm not a big public hugger. Assume this to me a punch on the shoulder, etc.
The key is to remember, always, the best things.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 11:12 am (UTC)It's a hard time but the good think is now you know which does help in dealing with things. Remember your friends are all here for you.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-07 03:00 am (UTC)