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Apr. 15th, 2004 09:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingandyGran got breast cancer.
I'm not actually all that upset about it. Obviously I'm down, but it's not exactly a shock. She's been suffering various ailments for some time - trapped nerves, difficulty walking, general degradation - which (while not particularly related to this new malady) has put me of a mind to consider ... eventualities. I'm more worried about Mum, who always puts a brave face on these things, only to be found sniffing and drying her eyes later. I know she's trying to be strong and reassuring, but the big smile she flashes is a bit disturbing.
To be honest - and this was the oddest experience - I actually felt a bit relieved when I heard the news. See, I saw the caller ID before Mum got to the phone, and Gran & Grandad (Mum's parents) never ring on a Thursday (Sun and Weds, every week). Naturally I started to invent reasons why they'd call, and I did know Gran was going in for some tests this week (we knew the doctor had found a lump at her last checkup). Well, long story short, basically I was glad she hadn't dropped dead or something. Luckily I had the presence of mind not to actually say that out loud, as we hugged.
So there's to be an operation in two weeks. Still feeling ... not particularly upset, just a bit melancholy. After all, she's not actually dead yet. And they found it early on, so there's a good chance ... on the other hand, there's no such thing as a safe operation. Time will tell.
I'm not actually all that upset about it. Obviously I'm down, but it's not exactly a shock. She's been suffering various ailments for some time - trapped nerves, difficulty walking, general degradation - which (while not particularly related to this new malady) has put me of a mind to consider ... eventualities. I'm more worried about Mum, who always puts a brave face on these things, only to be found sniffing and drying her eyes later. I know she's trying to be strong and reassuring, but the big smile she flashes is a bit disturbing.
To be honest - and this was the oddest experience - I actually felt a bit relieved when I heard the news. See, I saw the caller ID before Mum got to the phone, and Gran & Grandad (Mum's parents) never ring on a Thursday (Sun and Weds, every week). Naturally I started to invent reasons why they'd call, and I did know Gran was going in for some tests this week (we knew the doctor had found a lump at her last checkup). Well, long story short, basically I was glad she hadn't dropped dead or something. Luckily I had the presence of mind not to actually say that out loud, as we hugged.
So there's to be an operation in two weeks. Still feeling ... not particularly upset, just a bit melancholy. After all, she's not actually dead yet. And they found it early on, so there's a good chance ... on the other hand, there's no such thing as a safe operation. Time will tell.
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-15 02:40 pm (UTC)I was diagnosed with cancer several years ago, and it's not killed me yet. It went into remission, and every six months I go for a test and see if my lottery number has come up again. It's an odd thing, very mythologised, and if caught early and treated, not necessarily life threatening.
In the meantime, my chances of being run over by a bus remain exactly the same as they did before I was diagnosed.
No help really, but I do know how you feel. Nothing is ever inevitable. Don't assume the worst.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-15 03:23 pm (UTC)I can't think of any good way to finish that sentence, so I shan't. You know what I mean, I hope.
So, yeah, this makes the third person from my immediate family. Perhaps I should start giving money to cancer charities.