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Wrapped inside an enigma
Been to see BLADE TRINITY. It is an excellent movie heavily diluted with some of the worst tripe known to man.
I mean, seriously. Not to blow the same old record but I thought, Alien Resurrection aside, Joss Whedon had raised the bar for writers of action drama. It doesn't have to be laugh-a-minute but it should at least be natural. Some of this dialogue was stilted and bizarre and basically made no sense outside the context of an action movie. And yet, somehow, in the middle of all this was Hannibal King, who appears to be basically the Marvel Universe equivalent of Xander Harris (only a lot more competent and about six times sexier). His dialogue was both snappy and realistic, his delivery and timing almost exactly the same as Nicholas Brendon's. He also managed to foil several action movie clichés singlehanded (such as climaxing his dramatic speech at exactly the moment his rescuers didn't crash through the walls to rescue him), and saved the crappy exposition scenes from being taken too seriously by being so facetious that you weren't sure what was actual plot and what was him taking the piss. Oh, and cock-juggling thundercunt has to be the line of the movie. I would happily watch that character in a weekly serial. (The gratuitous shirt-off scene may have had some bearing on this.)
That said, Mr Snipes managed a couple of comedy moments too, without shattering his po-faced GRR SMASH demeanor - specifically upon realising their torture victim's cellphone was ringing ("Oh, that's you?") and the outrage upon realising another guy was more scared of the vampires than of him. This, however, is entirely counterbalanced by the five-minute grief scene where he stands at the back shouting "USE IT!" over and over.
Plot holes abound: When did Science Lady record that message from the grave, exactly? And why did Drake disguise himself as Whistler, a man he'd never met, while he murdered the blind lady? (Answer: To make the audience think "Oh, he's back from the dead again." There didn't seem to be an IC reason.) And I'm none too clear on why King's "Toys" upon rescue turned out to be a single gun which he then didn't bother using or loading (there may have been a deleted shot or scene where the bullets fell out, or I may have zoned out for a fight scene; as I say I'm not sure). And, of course, most of the science guff was utter nonsense.
But. The vampire dogs were fun, King was excellent, the fight scenes were mostlyabove par. It would be an excellent movie to watch with friends and heckle. Luckily I didn't pay to see it, so it was an acceptable evening's entertainment.
In other news: SOS this weekend, I had fun, much props to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
maddam for arranging a mid-tavern mini to recover Isaac's sword (stolen by a random demon incursion). It is his only magic item so I was eager to recover it.
I believe my Christmas shopping may be more or less complete. Now I must find some way to deliver them all...
I mean, seriously. Not to blow the same old record but I thought, Alien Resurrection aside, Joss Whedon had raised the bar for writers of action drama. It doesn't have to be laugh-a-minute but it should at least be natural. Some of this dialogue was stilted and bizarre and basically made no sense outside the context of an action movie. And yet, somehow, in the middle of all this was Hannibal King, who appears to be basically the Marvel Universe equivalent of Xander Harris (only a lot more competent and about six times sexier). His dialogue was both snappy and realistic, his delivery and timing almost exactly the same as Nicholas Brendon's. He also managed to foil several action movie clichés singlehanded (such as climaxing his dramatic speech at exactly the moment his rescuers didn't crash through the walls to rescue him), and saved the crappy exposition scenes from being taken too seriously by being so facetious that you weren't sure what was actual plot and what was him taking the piss. Oh, and cock-juggling thundercunt has to be the line of the movie. I would happily watch that character in a weekly serial. (The gratuitous shirt-off scene may have had some bearing on this.)
That said, Mr Snipes managed a couple of comedy moments too, without shattering his po-faced GRR SMASH demeanor - specifically upon realising their torture victim's cellphone was ringing ("Oh, that's you?") and the outrage upon realising another guy was more scared of the vampires than of him. This, however, is entirely counterbalanced by the five-minute grief scene where he stands at the back shouting "USE IT!" over and over.
Plot holes abound: When did Science Lady record that message from the grave, exactly? And why did Drake disguise himself as Whistler, a man he'd never met, while he murdered the blind lady? (Answer: To make the audience think "Oh, he's back from the dead again." There didn't seem to be an IC reason.) And I'm none too clear on why King's "Toys" upon rescue turned out to be a single gun which he then didn't bother using or loading (there may have been a deleted shot or scene where the bullets fell out, or I may have zoned out for a fight scene; as I say I'm not sure). And, of course, most of the science guff was utter nonsense.
But. The vampire dogs were fun, King was excellent, the fight scenes were mostlyabove par. It would be an excellent movie to watch with friends and heckle. Luckily I didn't pay to see it, so it was an acceptable evening's entertainment.
In other news: SOS this weekend, I had fun, much props to
maddam for arranging a mid-tavern mini to recover Isaac's sword (stolen by a random demon incursion). It is his only magic item so I was eager to recover it.I believe my Christmas shopping may be more or less complete. Now I must find some way to deliver them all...
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That was my main problem with the action scenes, almost none of them made contextual sense, and even fewer of them made strategic sense (in the action scene order, as I remember it):
1. Blade waits until the vampires get into their cars before pursuing them or shooting at them.
2. Whistler shoots people in the face with shotguns, but for some reason Blade a) can't help him and b) can't kill any members of the SWAT team, all so he can do his weird "Ninja Stealth" thing.
3. Abigail Kills one vampire with the "UV Arc", kills another by stabbing him in the face with her boot-knife, then proceeds to uselessly fight the other vampires hand to hand, despite the fact that she has one weapon (the UV Arc) that can instantly and easily kill them and at least two highly-deadly weapons (the silver boot knife and the spring-mounted wrist knife) and that vampires can't be killed by fighting them hand-to-hand (that's why their vampires)
4. (First off, this entire scene shouldn't have happened, Blade was standing on a dock, and being Der Über Vampyre he should have been able to easily jump over/through the TWO GUYS standing between him and the water, and swim to safety. There's also rule number 4: Shooting is not too good for my enemies, two Familiars have Blade captured, why don't they just shoot him in the head?) Hypothetical situation: You're Hannibal King, standing in the room behind the one-way mirror (which, apparently, has a member of the Vampire SWAT Team in it.), the man you're here to save is on the other side, being tortured by the Cock Juggling Thunder Cunt who you despise more than anything else, do you: a) Shoot the Vampire SWAT quietly, then shoot the aforementioned Thunder Cunt through the glass or b) Shoot the Vampire SWAT and throw him THROUGH the mirror, then try and release blade and ignore Triple H until he tries to kill you.
... it goes on and on...
Did anyone else notice that Danica Talos lisped ever so slightly around her fangs? I thought that was great.
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I'd watch the HaniballKing show any day, toplessness or no.
"Also blade, you may want to consider actually blinking once in a while .... [silence] .... Sorry, I've had a lot of sugar this morning"
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Meh, from now on assume that all spelling mistakes are because I am right and your perception of what language should be is limited due to your inferior brain. Not due to me being distracted/tierd/stupid. Because I'm never those things. Nope.
Now I must find some way to deliver them all...
Re: Now I must find some way to deliver them all...
Re: Now I must find some way to deliver them all...
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Thingy Beil (Abi Whistler) was just eye candy. I can see no actual benefit she brought to the plot other than meaning they could have a hot chick fighting (don't get me wrong, that's cool) and having some angst (because Hannibal & Blade obviously don't suffer from angst).
Old mr Super Vampire obviously studied footage of Whistler. Additionally, if he's truly evil (he is) then he'll use the appearence of their dead friend to get close and fuck them up good.
It's what i'd do.
Science lady recorded the message before she was killed. It's the only possible explanation. Exactly when is actually not important, only that she did and the information was up to date (i'm sorry dear, i'd love to play, but i have to record my weekly 'if you're hearing this, then i'm dead' tape. It's cathartic).
King's toys - well, be fair, the guns did look like sci-fo handguns from Time Splitters 2.
Abi's fighting technique - the plasma arc thing was pure CGI and as such can only be used sparingly. I'm not sure if they actually made a hard copy. It was like watching Roger Rabbit, all cartoony. So she couldn't use that too often.
The boot knife - well, ok, maybe she's just a bit crap.
I did like that the most aggressive thing Danica could do was have a gun. Far more villanous.